[NOTE: As Mr. Goldshaw indicated in his strongly worded email to us, we are late putting up his column. Mr. Goldshaw wanted to ensure that you, dear readers, were aware that he holds the utmost level of professionalism at all times and did, in fact, submit the column on time. We would like to publicly apologize for the tardiness of this article to Mr. Goldshaw in the hopes that he stops sending mirror selfies our way, once per hour, in protest of the continuing absence of his article. Or at least that he will put on pants in future selfies. – The Management]

This week’s column was rather difficult to write. Not because I can’t come up with nonsense to say, but because April 1^st fell in the middle of it. If you are unfamiliar (those of you living under rocks), people find it humorous to play pranks on this day. So when news drops that a Full House revival (http://tvline.com/2015/04/02/full-house-reunion-show-fuller-house-netflix-revival/) is in the works, you tend to be a little skeptical. I figured true or not (I do believe after some research most of these things are indeed true.), I could at least have fun ranting on the idea of some of these things nonetheless. So without further adieu, here’s this weeks observations.

1. As I mentioned in the introduction, a Full House revival (or spinoff depending on how it actually plays out) is in the works allegedly entitled Fuller House. Now that children of the 80’s and 90’s are jumping with joy, we have to ask is this something we really want? Do we really need EVERYTHING to come back? Here are some of plot lines I envision:

I. Danny and Becky reclaim their roles on Wake Up, San Francisco but the reunion is short lived after a wardrobe malfunction lands both of them in the unemployment line. Meanwhile, Steve tries to run his own pizzeria but eats away all of the profits. During bankruptcy proceedings D.J. files for divorce.

II. Uncle Joey gets the chance of a lifetime when he gets to try out for the Detroit Red Wings. When Stephanie falls in love with an abusive member of the team, Joey has to choose between his niece and his dream. Michelle comes to the realization people have stopped caring about her as she is no longer cute.

III. Sick of being broke and having put on 30 pounds, Danny starts touring the country as a standup comedian. His children are so appalled at how filthy his act is, they develop an obsessive compulsive need to clean things. Kimmy gets arrested for breaking and entering, harassment, and assault (finally right?!).

IV. Nicky and Alex discover they aren’t the first set of twins in the house after they find a secret room where Danny hid Michelle’s twin sister. Jesse gets The Rippers back together, but after discovering they haven’t aged nearly as well as he has, he holds open auditions for new members. Comet celebrates his 20^th birthday at the dog park where Danny tells the girls the story of meeting their mother.

I’m biased, but this is a show I would watch. If you read the above linked TV Line report however, you might assume none of these plot lines will be possible as the show is set to center around D.J. and Kimmy. I know those are the two characters I would be clamoring for more of. I mean once you throw out the possibility of literally any other character on the show being available, I’d love to see what D.J. and Kimmy can get themselves into. Which leads me back to the question: Do we want more Full House if it isn’t the Full House we grew up on? If it were on network television, I could say definitively: No! On Netflix however, I’m willing to give it a shot.

Note: I’m sure there are numerous continuity errors from the original show in my episode synopses. It’s been 20 years since the show was on, give me a break. 

2. Staying on the nostalgia front, HOLY DONUT HOLES BATMAN!, Adam West and Burt Ward are reuniting to voice a new, animated, Batman feature film. The original series was a staple of my childhood (no I was not alive during the original run, it’s called syndication). I remember having the original soundtrack on cassette (yes, I was born somewhere between the conclusion of the original Batman series and the death of the cassette tape) and listening to it until ultimately it became unplayable. Was it cheesy? Absolutely. Was it incredibly entertaining? Absolutely.

The difference between the campy series and all of the other revival nonsense out there today is this show never took itself seriously. They could do just about anything and it would still fit in perfectly with the spirit of the original. Unfortunately West and Ward aren’t getting any younger and a new live action film might be asking a little much, but an animated film could be the next best thing (after all haven’t you seen West on Family Guy?). My only hope is they hold true to the comic book nature of the series with and the “POW’s” and “BAM’s” fully intact.

3. HBO released a new documentary, Going Clear: Scientology and the Prison of Belief, and as I’m sure you might have guessed, it made some waves. Following in the footsteps of Citizenfour, Going Clear will without a doubt be in the conversation for Academy Awards contention. The damning portrayal of the religion (the film would use this term loosely) created by science-fiction author L. Ron Hubbard and his followers, questions every move the organization has made since it’s inception and their actual objectives.

I feel under-qualified to remark on the commentary the film provides, but I will say if even one percent of what is said is remotely true, the Church of Scientology has a lot of explaining to do and they are quite frankly terrifying.

The one thing I can say with certainty, HBO makes riveting documentaries on par with the best of their fiction content.

4. Speaking of HBO, lasts weeks Entertainment Weekly pictured Veep star Julia Louis-Dreyfus on the cover. I had avoided the show for a while and I’m not really sure why. I have been engrossed in House of Cards since Netflix released it, and I’m sure I assumed Veep was the drunken idiot sister of the Kevin Spacey drama.

I can admit when I am wrong however, the show is not only entertaining but actually pretty smart. Louis-Dreyfus is certainly far more inept as Vice President Selina Meyer when compared to Frank Underwood, but she is just as ruthless. The supporting cast is strong, the jokes come rapidly, and Louis-Dreyfus proves she is more than capable of still being a comedic powerhouse.

5. In what I believe might have been the most elaborate joke in the entertainment world on April Fool’s Day: news broke that Kristen Wiig and Will Ferrell were making a Lifetime movie entitled A Deadly Adoption.

I read it over and over again, expecting a big punchline at the end. A movie staring two comedic actors, on a network known for horribly sappy dramas, which also seemed to be willing to poke fun at the genre at the same time… really? I’m suppose to believe this? All the assurances in the world won’t make me believe this is not a joke until the film actually airs.

Then news broke that the film was falling apart because the “top secret” project was let out of the proverbial bag. Sounds like a perfect cover to keep the ruse going. I’m not buying it. Until the film is in the can I’m not going to allow myself to be so gullible. Although, if it is real, I can’t say I wouldn’t watch it.

6. Bob Odenkirk and David Cross are preparing a new sketch comedy show for Netflix. Is there any chance this isn’t great? Has Netflix made a bad programming decision to date? Is it ok to wet your pants while watching something?

7. The Walking Dead ended this week. I will say, I didn’t hate these season as much as I have hated most of the others. Rick became likeable which was a revelation. I went from rooting consistently against him to feeling he was the only character who had any clue as to how to survive. I’d encourage the writers to just get down to what people really want to see: Rick and Daryl taking on the world.

The finale wasn’t nearly as strong as the sendoff could have been to leave you begging for next season, but I actually care there is a next season at this point. That’s about as excited as I can get with this show.

8. And lastly, in the most devastating news to come out of entertainment in a while, David Lynch confirmed on Twitter he was no longer involved in the new episodes of Twin Peaks. Showtime has in the works. Allegedly, the network did not want to provide the funding Lynch felt necessary to see through his vision. I stated in a previous column, Showtime needed to keep Lynch happy because without him the show would become unwatchable. I stand by those statements, will boycott anything with the Twin Peaks name in which Lynch was not involved, could not care less if Lynch is to blame here; his world, his characters, his vision, make it happen. Few filmmakers are true auteurs like Lynch and the thought of allowing someone else to defile his creation is practically vomit inducing. Please Showtime, I beg you to discontinue these efforts.

Thanks for reading and see you next week!