Grease<\/em>!<\/p>\n Nah, Grease<\/em> was just filled with innuendo and women giving up their personalities to please their men.<\/p>\n Was Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Phantom of the Opera<\/em> your next guess? Because if it was, you would be totally right.<\/p>\n And you may be wondering, “If you hate Phantom<\/em> so much, why did you go?” Partially because it was a part of my season package at the local theatre, and partially because the people I have argued with in the past had a point – I was very quick to judge, but I had never actually seen the musical all the way through.\u00a0 My experience with it was limited to being forced to sing Music of the Night<\/em> with my high school choir and re-enacting Masquerade<\/em> with my dance troupe in college.\u00a0 Masquerade<\/em> I could deal with, Music of the Night<\/em> made me want to scream.<\/p>\n So I went into the show deciding to give Phantom<\/em> a chance.\u00a0 Perhaps I was wrong about this show.\u00a0 Surely it has to have some redeeming qualities – it’s been on Broadway for close to 30 years, there have been countless reviews about the love story between the Phantom and Christine, and the technical merits of the show have set precedents for future productions.<\/p>\n But much like coming home to find Ronald McDonald in lingerie in your bedroom, I found myself more horrified and disturbed by this show than I was before seeing it.\u00a0 At least without really seeing the full story, I could take other people’s accounts of the story as fact, which often painted the Phantom as a misunderstood, pitiful man who just needed someone to truly care about him.<\/p>\n Yeah…no.\u00a0 After seeing the show, I’m not buying any of that shit.<\/p>\n So please indulge me for my (finally) more well-informed rant about Phantom of the Opera<\/em> that is over 20 years in the making.<\/p>\n Now it’s not all bad – the technical parts of the show (lighting, sound, costumes, sets) were amazing, and we can get into that later.\u00a0 But the story itself is worse than I imagined or read online.\u00a0 So…spoilers ahead if you haven’t seen Phantom<\/em> -until recently, I thought I was only the person on the planet who hadn’t, but maybe there are others out there as well.<\/p>\n The show opened with an auction of items from the Paris Opera House in 1919; however, the dialogue at the beginning of this made it appear as if they were a theatre troupe rehearsing a play within a play.\u00a0 I think it was because the auctioneer announced that we were about to hear the tale of the Phantom of the Opera.\u00a0 Well, duh.\u00a0 Why the hell else were we there? Normal plays open to the action, rather than telling us what will happen, as that often will confuse the viewer (hint, hint, Webber…).<\/p>\n It wasn’t until they got to a music box that was to be auctioned off that I figured out it was an auction, and not some meta style rehearsal about the phantom who had terrorized the Paris opera house.\u00a0 An old man and woman bid against one another, and the old man wins the auction.\u00a0 We’ll later find out who these two are, but at this point, they’ve already moved on to Lot 666, the restored chandelier.<\/p>\n OK, how intentional do you think it was that this was Lot 666? Are they trying to make it super obvious from the start that the chandelier is cursed or demonic in nature? Or would it be the way the lights flickered ominously when they revealed it to the bidders? It was a beautiful set piece, incidentally.\u00a0 And then I wondered why the lights were flickering if we were hearing the tale years later.\u00a0 Was he still there? Were we going back to a flashback? What the hell was going on?<\/p>\n Ah, ok, I see, the large company of ballet dancers in harlequin style dresses, along with the prima donna singing in Italian that have now taken to the stage, with no transition, are apparently the indication that we are now back at the opera house in 1881 (and the Playbill helped).\u00a0 The choreography here was actually quite lovely, and the dancers were skilled in their craft.<\/p>\n (Credit: Phantom of the Opera US Tour)<\/em><\/p>\n New opera house managers Msrs. Firmin and Andre are introduced here, as well as Madame Giry, the ballet director.\u00a0 Her daughter Meg is a member of the ballet company, and Firmin, Andre and Giry reflect on the rehearsal until Carlotta, the Prima Donna, is scared off by the Phantom interrupting her performance.<\/p>\n So, of course, Christine, the shy ing\u00e9nue ballet dancer and Meg’s best friend with the amazing voice, is tapped to replace Carlotta and sing the aria.\u00a0 After an amazing performance, and her return to her dressing room, she is reunited with her childhood friend, Raoul, the Vicomte de Chagny, who has come to see that evening’s performance.\u00a0 He’s also a bit controlling, telling Christine they are going to dinner after she is already dressed for bed.\u00a0 She claims that she cannot, because the Angel of Music forbids her from seeing others.\u00a0 She tells Raoul that the Angel was sent to her after her father died, and she needs to dedicate herself to music.\u00a0 Raoul understandably is a little wary of all this, considering he hasn’t seen her in years and she’s spouting off about an Angel of Music.\u00a0 He tells her he will be back in a few minutes to get her for dinner.<\/p>\n After Raoul leaves, a door opens at the top of the stairs and someone beckons her forward.\u00a0 Believing it is her angel, she willingly follows him.<\/p>\n Now, at this point, I started to internally scold myself.\u00a0 “You were wrong about this all this time.\u00a0 See, it’s a good thing you came to see the show, now you’ll understand what’s going on.\u00a0 She’s clearly just confused, she thinks he is the angel, and I could see how this could develop into a love story.”<\/p>\n But then the classic creepy synthesizers start and darkness falls across the stage with the main theme song \u00a0of Phantom of the Opera.\u00a0 As they head down the stairs to his lair, she is literally singing about how he is the Phantom.\u00a0 So, she’s figured out he’s not the angel, and he’s holding onto her, but she doesn’t even make a move to go back.<\/p>\n (Credit: Phantom of the Opera US Tour)<\/em><\/p>\n Turn around.\u00a0 Seriously, just turn around.\u00a0 Clearly, Christine, this is not the angel you are looking for.<\/p>\n Instead, she follows him down to a gondola like boat, which he helps her into.\u00a0 The boat traveling across the stage was well done, although it was a very short trip because of the size of the theatre, and they got out of the wrong side of the boat, which kind of killed the illusion.<\/p>\n He then sings Music of the Night<\/em> to her, quite possibly the rape-iest song ever in a musical.\u00a0 Weirdly, we had to sing this in choir in high school, despite some of us protesting, so I was never a huge fan.\u00a0 Now, within the context of the show, it made my skin crawl even more.<\/p>\n From a metaphorical standpoint, and if you look at it as if the Phantom’s only role was as a music mentor to Christine, it’s a beautiful song about letting go, tapping into your pain to create greater art, and recognizing that her incredible gift will bring life to music.<\/p>\n In this context, however, it comes across as Fifty Shades of Grey…with Music<\/em>!\u00a0 And a confused and scared participant in Christine! My daughter and I did have one lovely juvenile moment, which annoyed the people next to us, because we both just started giggling uncontrollably.\u00a0 Seriously, with the weird sexual vibe to the song, how could one not laugh at:<\/p>\n Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor<\/em><\/p>\n Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender<\/em><\/p>\n particularly when then Phantom makes an air grasping gesture like he’s performing the most amazing musical version of onanism ever.<\/p>\n He blindfolds her at one point, I think to help her “feel” the music more, but her odd stumbling forward and him then carrying her, blindfolded, to his bed, definitely made me wonder if E.L. James was a fan of this show.<\/p>\n To his credit, he only puts her in the bed to sleep; he doesn’t really get abusive till the next morning.\u00a0 He’s playing the organ super loud and Christine doesn’t move.\u00a0 Then, however, a music box opens with the lightest of tunes (the same music box from the auction at the beginning) and Christine awakens.\u00a0 It made me think of that Family Guy<\/em> episode(“Untitled Griffin Family History”) where they are recounting the history of Nate Griffin and Lois Laura Bush Lynne Cheney Pewterschmidt.\u00a0 Nate tries to wake her at her window by throwing rocks, but it doesn’t work.\u00a0 He then throws a horse through the window, to which she sits up and says “is someone there?”\u00a0 That’s how I felt with Christine.\u00a0 Apparently the organs don’t do it for her, but a tiny music box does.<\/p>\n She approaches the Phantom from behind, and he has not yet put on his mask.\u00a0 She gently tries to turn him to face her and all hell breaks loose.<\/p>\n Now, this guy professes that he loves her.\u00a0 And I get it.\u00a0 He has issues.\u00a0 Many, many issues.\u00a0 We find out later in the show that he was in a troop of conjurers and magicians as a child, and because of his facial deformity, his mother kept him in a cage.\u00a0 He clearly feels powerless, thus the need to terrorize the opera house.<\/p>\n However, we also learn from Madame Giry that he has lived beneath the opera house in his lair since he was younger and someone helped him escape the cage.\u00a0 She also delivers all of his messages when he has them for the managers of the opera house, and always seems to know when a tragedy is because of him.\u00a0 So he has had at least one woman show him kindness and tolerate his shitty antics around the opera house, or he’s able to dominate Madame Giry enough to do his bidding, to help him feel more powerful.<\/p>\n And seriously? Your student\/favorite girl you love THINKS YOU ARE AN ANGEL. The Phantom isn’t stupid.\u00a0 He could have played up that whole angel thing – Christine would have done anything for him -s he probably would have even accepted his deformity because he’s an angel – who is she to judge?<\/p>\n So when Christine tries to turn him to face her without the mask, what happens next was more horrifying to me than anything I had visualized.\u00a0 Seriously, I had been able to sort of romanticize this show from what people had told me up to this point.<\/p>\n The Phantom literally throws her across the stage, yanks her up by her hair, and holds her head as if to break her neck.\u00a0 Then, realizing, hey perhaps I’ve gone too far<\/em>, he tosses her again to the side and crawls away to try to cover his face.<\/p>\n He then calls to her, and I thought, “OK, he’s going to apologize.\u00a0 Not like it will make it much better, but progress.”<\/p>\n No.<\/p>\n He instead says that she<\/em> made him behave that way because of trying to see the monster.<\/p>\n Really? REALLY?<\/p>\n Bravo, you bastard.\u00a0 Way to blame the victim.<\/p>\n Mr. Smarts finally realizes how shitty he has made the situation, as well as the fact that people might start wondering where Christine is, and takes her back up to her dressing room in the opera house.<\/p>\n At this point, the Phantom continues to terrorize the theatre employees, demanding that Christine be the star of the upcoming production.\u00a0 However, opera house managers Firmin and Andre finally each grow a pair and refuse to be intimidated, casting Christine in a secondary role.<\/p>\n To express his displeasure with this, the Phantom ruins Carlotta’s voice (the Prima Donna from the beginning), making her croak, rather than being able to sing.\u00a0 “OK,” I thought, “reasonable.\u00a0 He’s trying to piss off the audience so that ticket sales will go down because they have lost their star and Christine will have to take over.”<\/p>\n As the production tries to regroup from this brief interruption of the opera, Christine runs off in fear, since she knows who’s causing the problems.\u00a0 Raoul follows, and his vows of love and protection of course set off Mr. Possessive, who has of course also followed her. *cough* stalker *cough*<\/p>\n And what does he do to express his displeasure about this latest development in Christine’s life?<\/p>\n Kills a stage hand and attempts to kill members of the audience by dropping a chandelier on them.<\/p>\n That seems like a normal reaction. A loving one, even.\u00a0 I totally<\/em> get why people say this is a love story.<\/p>\n And then I am left in stunned silence, listening to the people around me coo about how fabulous this show is until the start of Act 2.<\/p>\n *****<\/p>\n So despite my desire to head out at intermission, I vow to stay to the end to see if and when this “love story” part is going to make an appearance.\u00a0 Maybe it is Christine and Raoul people are talking about?<\/p>\n This act opened with the beautifully staged Masquerade<\/em>, and things started to look up.\u00a0 I will give Webber credit where credit is due; this is a beautifully scored song, and set against a ballroom with a mirrored background made it look as if the stage were filled with dancing couples, when there were only perhaps 10 sets in the production number.\u00a0 The costumes were gorgeous, and the masquerade masks were not so ostentatious as to be distracting.\u00a0 It is six months after the events of Act 1, and the employees, including Christine have not heard from the Phantom.<\/p>\n![\"dancers\"](\"http:\/\/docpalindrome.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/dancers.jpg\")
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