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Heading Down South<\/strong><\/p>\n We open with Penny in Dean Fogg\u2019s office \u2013 he has his hands back from the White Lady but they don\u2019t really work at all.\u00a0 Apparently \u201cI want my hands back that can cast spells\u201d would have been the proper request, so I wasn\u2019t entirely wrong last week about magical creatures being way too literal and something going wrong with Penny\u2019s hand restoration.<\/p>\n Apparently he needed to ask for magical hands<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n After Penny expresses his normal anger at Brakebills, Fogg offers to send him to see Mayakovsky, who may be able to\u2026give him a hand (hehe\u2026cut me some slack – I haven\u2019t done a good hand pun for weeks).\u00a0 It\u2019s either that, or he could send him to work at Plaxco with Quentin, who Fogg placed after his return to New York by the White Lady.<\/p>\n Penny instead chooses to travel to Brakebills South, where he is promptly trapped as a potential intruder, despite his testament to Mayakovsky that he\u2019s a student.<\/p>\n Still better than an accounting job<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Mayakovsky is at first reluctant to help, since that\u2019s his normal MO, but he agrees to see what he can do if Penny assists him with a project he is working on.\u00a0 Prior to starting work on that, however, he examines Penny\u2019s hands.\u00a0 Apparently they are useless for magic, but quite capable of holding things or masturbating, which arguably, could be more important than casting spells.<\/p>\n This look gets all the ladies<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n He asks Penny about his ability to travel, which hasn\u2019t been affected by the loss of his hands; his challenge is that he can\u2019t take anyone with him, since he can\u2019t hold onto them.\u00a0 Frustrated, Penny again asks for his help, to which Mayakovsky responds by leading him to the first of the tasks he needs help with in order to hold up his end of the bargain.\u00a0 Penny is faced with a huge, floor to ceiling, pile of rope, and Mayakovsky needs all of the knots untied. After that, he’s tasked with\u00a0filing down a table into sawdust.<\/p>\n Not like Penny had a whole lot going on otherwise at this point<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Once Penny has finished the table, the two discuss the fact that Penny really only came to Brakebills to learn how to stop the voices in his head. He suggests that maybe Penny doesn\u2019t care about magic as much as he thinks he does, given that nothing they have done so far has fixed his hands.\u00a0 Mayakovsky shows him a wave pattern tracking the energy spikes in magic that have been happening since Ember shit in the Wellspring, and that if something isn\u2019t done soon to resolve it, magic will cease to exist, and it will be a very bad time in history to be a magician.<\/p>\n Phhh…no need to worry<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Penny challenges Mayakovsky, asking him why he\u2019s encouraging him to leave and give up magic, when the professor himself has never left Brakebills South.\u00a0 Turns out he is trapped there under an Incorporate Bond for sleeping with a student – it was either go to Brakebills South or give up magic. He gave up the girl in order to remain a magician, because, as he put it, he “made love to lots of students, but then he fucked the wrong one.”<\/p>\n Kind of like what’s happening here…<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n After their night of drunken philosophizing, Penny is eager to keep working towards fixing his hands, but Mayakovsky points out that any sort of cure would be useless without restoring magic to its full potential.\u00a0 He shows Penny the\u00a0\u201cbattery\u201d he’s created for storing magic – Penny untying all of the knots in the magical<\/em> rope, and shaving down the magical<\/em> table, released a great deal of magical<\/em> energy that is now stored for a rainy day.<\/p>\n Go on…<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Penny, however, could give a rat\u2019s ass about all that, and whines about (what else?)\u00a0his hands.\u00a0 Instead of answering him, Mayakovsky rips out a picture of moss from a nearby book and tells Penny to retrieve it for him from FIllory, since it is great for carrying the current of energy.\u00a0 Penny, super frustrated at this point, decides to indulge his old professor if it will get him closer to getting his hands fully restored.<\/p>\n Although Penny might argue that his ability to masturbate proves he can definitely handle magical objects, it remains to be seen whether or not he will actually be able to pick up the moss.<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n <\/p>\n A Whole World Away<\/strong><\/p>\n In Fillory, despite the whole “ruling a kingdom” thing, High King Eliot is still focused on having his people create a drinkable wine.\u00a0 They are still failing miserably; however, Fen arrives to share some exciting news that Eliot toasts to, even with the shitty wine.<\/p>\n Turns out that Fen is pregnant, at least according to the Pregnancy Bunny, who spits out the word \u201cpregnant\u201d in a demonic voice every time it comes up in conversation.<\/p>\n Seriously, I would not be surprised if he showed up in Resident Evil 8<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Eliot tries to appear thrilled after Fen calls him out for not being delighted at the news, and he offers the toast to what will be their \u201cviolently attractive progeny\u201d but the words don\u2019t quite carry up to his eyes.<\/p>\n “See? I’m so happy.”<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Eliot tries to reassure Fen that he\u2019s excited, but it doesn\u2019t quite carry through, and he admits that his own father was not the model parent, and so he fears that he is ill equipped to handle the job himself.<\/p>\n “Yay. A baby.”<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n As he is sharing this with Fen, a servant\u00a0comes up behind Eliot with a tray.\u00a0 When Eliot returns the chalice he was toasting from\u00a0to the tray, the servant\u00a0seizes the opportunity to try to strangle the High King with a cord.<\/p>\n They captured the weird intimacy that is involved in strangul– never mind, I think I’ve been watching too much of the Investigation Discovery channel<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Eliot manages to choke out \u201cknife\u201d to Fen, who scrambles to grab one from\u00a0a nearby table, but hesitates to do anything once she has it in hand.\u00a0 Luckily High Queen Margo hears\u00a0the ruckus and steps in (well, more like separates the two with a fierce level of magic, screaming the High King’s\u00a0name as she does so), throwing the assassin off of Eliot.<\/p>\n That is definitely going to hurt in the morning<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Once the man is caught, Eliot\u00a0directs his guards to take the usurper to the dungeon, but not before he backhands him for continuing to threaten him.\u00a0 Once the man is dragged away, Eliot laments that the world is against him when he tries to express his feelings, so he won\u2019t be doing that again any time soon.<\/p>\n This is so beyond a bitch slap<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Margo and Eliot reprimand their security detail, while trying to determine what to do with this native Fillorian, whom Eliot initially assumes is from Loria.\u00a0 His advisers suggest a variety of different ways to execute the prisoner with eerily calm clarity, including via strangulation for the symbolism, a bed of spikes, or being drawn, quartered and sodomized by centaurs.<\/p>\n Guess which one Her Slowness suggested?<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Eliot and Margo go to speak to the prisoner, rather than decide on immediate death, and we find out that he is Bayler, one of the Fillorian United Fighters (or FU Fighters), who will not rest until a native Fillorian, rather than a Child of Earth, is upon the throne.\u00a0 Eliot notes that the group should really\u00a0take that sort of thing up with Ember, since it was the god\u2019s decree that one from Earth should serve as royalty, while Margo can\u2019t get past the fact that Bayler is a FU Fighter.<\/p>\n Yep, I was right there with you, Margo, every time it was said.<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n The two discuss what to do with the martyr Bayler, and how to deal with political insurgency in general, since they themselves haven\u2019t had to deal with it (other than Eliot getting kicked out of a fivesome, which probably doesn\u2019t count), and there\u2019s not a lot of historical precedence for them to go on.\u00a0 Margo offers to go do some research in the Brakebills library on it, which Eliot agrees to only if she brings back some Adderall to the kingdom.<\/p>\n “And wine…get wine too while you’re out.” #DomesticBliss<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n When she returns, they contemplate various government overthrows\/executions in order to determine whether or not to execute Baylor.\u00a0 They finally determine that they will have to execute him, and will tell the council in the morning.\u00a0 Eliot insists that he will do it, as the man\u2019s life was his burden to bear.\u00a0 Margo scoffs at him for being all Game of Thrones<\/em>, which prompts them to add the execution of Ned Stark to their list.<\/p>\n I wonder if this is how our\u00a0current administration makes decisions…nah, too much thought and effort involved this way<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n That night, as Eliot watches Fen sleep, he is overcome with a sense of duty and visits Bayler, asking him what the FU Fighters would do to save Fillory if they had the opportunity.<\/p>\n Whatever Bayler\u2019s response was (we don\u2019t see it) prompts Eliot to announce the next day that they will not be executing the prisoner.\u00a0 This surprises all of the advisers, particularly Abigail and Margo.<\/p>\n “Pissed off at Eliot” – who wore it better?<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n After an uncomfortably restrained argument in front of his advisers with Margo, Eliot provides his reasoning for not killing the prisoner, which is that he is going to be a father (although he falters a bit on the word \u201cfather\u201d) and that he wants to raise his child in a world where one does not kill their problems away.\u00a0 Margo, after failing to sway him given that the High King\u2019s ruling overrides the High Queen\u2019s, storms off, but not before pointing out that people are going to die anyway – she\u2019s just trying to make sure that it isn\u2019t him who dies first.<\/p>\n “F-all y’all.”<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Following this declaration, we see Fen going to visit the prisoner, and thus is one of our \u201coh shit\u201d moments of the night.<\/p>\n Turns out Fen was a FU Fighter herself, infiltrating the monarchy on behalf of the group and her lover Bayler.<\/p>\n Damn…girl got a back story!<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n However, given that Eliot isn\u2019t a total douche, and the fact that she\u2019s pregnant, she tells Bayler that she won\u2019t betray her husband to the group.\u00a0 Bayler, however, threatens to tell Eliot about her past, and Fen responds that she will share that information with the king first.\u00a0 Bayler continues to threaten her if she does, insisting that the underground network of fighters is broad enough to find out when Eliot is at his most vulnerable, and use it to take him down.\u00a0 She storms out, but not before threatening to kill Baylor herself if the FU Fighters make another move to come after\u00a0the High King.<\/p>\n Girl also got a backbone!<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n <\/p>\n Heading North<\/strong><\/p>\n In his effort to completely give up magic, Quentin has secured a position at Plaxco in New York, courtesy of Dean Fogg.<\/p>\n Ah corporate America\u2026complete with pointless emails and man buns<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n He makes small talk with one of his coworkers before trying his hand at creating breakfast with the magical Keurig and mysterious toaster.\u00a0 He does slip up, however, using magic to open a jar of jam, and is spotted by another one of his coworkers, although she doesn\u2019t acknowledge it at the time.<\/p>\n Totally natural, Q…nailing it<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n But then Quentin gets an invitation to lunch from none other than that female coworker\u2026Emily Greenstreet!<\/p>\n What? They work for the SAME company??? What are the odds?<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n The two go out to a nearby restaurant, in which they kvetch about how much magic fucks up your life, from it causing one to drink more once it is given up (since it takes far more booze to combat the dullness of being a Muggle), to it causing a multitude of other problems, rather than solving them,\u00a0for the magician.\u00a0 Emily realizes she\u2019s going to be late for a meeting if they stay at the restaurant much longer, and in taking one large final swig of red wine, she manages to dump a large amount of it on the front of her white blouse. Quentin, without thinking, immediately tuts a removal spell to clean her shirt, and besides going against everything they just talked about, it comes across as creepily invasive.<\/p>\n Yep, not at all weird, Q.<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Back at the office, Quentin attempts to awkwardly apologize to Emily, who kind of accepts his apology, but not really.\u00a0 Personally, given her proclivity for drinking, I\u2019m pretty sure she\u2019s six sheets to the wind at this point, and her response to him is the half-hearted honesty that comes from being drunk.<\/p>\n Quentin takes his leave and returns to his desk to do a super adult, but super painful, activity \u2013 composing an email informing the Quinns that the second of their children has passed away.<\/p>\n And it still comes across as a little self-centered, Q…you might want to rework this<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n It has taken him so long to compose the email, that by nightfall one of his coworkers still there jokingly accuses him of staying late in order to jerk off in the privacy of his office, but with the thrill of, you know, jerking off in his office.<\/p>\n Magic isn’t so bad compared to this shit now, is it?<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n After the coworker leaves, Emily barges in as well without knocking.\u00a0 When Quentin asks her to do so in the future, she also accuses him of masturbating, but with\u00a0no judgement, since she does it in her office too.<\/p>\n Yep, definitely constantly drunk<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n She apologizes for not letting him apologize earlier and then offers him some of her vodka-in-a-mug, before dragging him off to do something more fun than potentially getting himself off in his office.<\/p>\n This can’t possibly end badly<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n The two of them are drunkenly walking home, playing truth or dare as they go.\u00a0 Emily picks truth, so Quentin goes right for it and asks her if she still blames herself for what happened to Charlie.\u00a0 She doesn\u2019t answer at first, but makes sure he understands what happened, and then asks about Alice, only to find out she\u2019s dead.<\/p>\n The two make their way to the water\u00a0front to sit, where she finally tells him that she blames herself only when she wakes up, when she goes to bed, and every time in between.<\/p>\n So, like, all the time then\u2026<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n It\u2019s then his turn in their game, and Quentin chooses dare.\u00a0 To which Emily gleefully slides a joint from her bra and has him partake in it with her. \u00a0She then asks him if he knows Weizenham\u2019s Third, which is a tiny weather suspension spell she does sometimes when getting high to make patterns with the smoke, but one must enchant their lips to make it work correctly.<\/p>\n I know she was trying to be sexy and intimate, but she was way too drunk to make it look like anything more than a bizarre mustache<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n The two flirt with their smoke, with her creating a “Q” in the air, and him re-creating the Dodge Neon ad campaign for her. She calls him an “f-ing dork” for the “hi,” as did my husband when I came home with that car years ago based simply on those advertisements.<\/p>\n Seriously…I really bought this car because of Hi.<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n She follows it up by making the glass horse out of smoke that was Charlie and Alice\u2019s favorite, which prompts them to return to her apartment for intimacy time.\u00a0 I\u2019d say sexy time, because they were both pretty drunk, but there was an underlying level of urgency to simply be with another person that came across stronger between the two of them than just wanting to have sex.<\/p>\n A non-magical life might be alright with a loft like this<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n She convinces him to do a spell with her in the shower (because it only works when your skin is wet), which prompts another\u00a0\u201coh shit\u201d moment of the night for my family and myself \u2013 literally, my husband and I, in unison, yelped \u201coh shit\u201d seconds before Quentin did as he looked in the mirror.<\/p>\n How much do you think Q is going to relive this moment in his nightmares?<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Emily begs him not to judge her as Quentin starts to put the pieces together of Emily and Mayakovsky\u2019s past, and she asks him to just go with it, and maybe try a Russian accent…<\/p>\n Yep, Q, we had the same reaction<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n When they are done, and Quentin is Quentin again, they snuggle with Emily pointing out that this is what she misses the most, before offering to allow him to cast the spell on her.<\/p>\n “Wtf did we just do?”<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Within moments of entering the shower, Emily has transformed into Alice, breaking our hearts and Quentin\u2019s.\u00a0 Despite his sorrow, he lets her lead him back into the water and he gives in to how much he misses his lost love.<\/p>\n Sigh…<\/em>\ud83d\ude0d<\/p><\/div>\n The next morning, Emily tries to coax him into doing it again, but Quentin points out that it would involve magic again, and everyday can\u2019t be cheat day.\u00a0 He declines to do again what they did the night before , and she gets angry, thinking they were helping each other.\u00a0 Quentin acknowledges that it was great, and probably exactly what he needed, but it was also really weird and really sad and he now feels awful, worse than before.\u00a0 So not really doing him any favors with that spell.\u00a0 He tells her that he just doesn\u2019t want to use magic that way, and leaves, saying that\u00a0he would see her at work.<\/p>\n Well now she feels as weird and sad and awful as you do, Q<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n On his way back to his apartment, he pulls up\u00a0the email he was composing to the Quinns on\u00a0his phone while waiting to cross the street, and reluctantly hits send. \u00a0However, when he looks up, for a moment he sees a very sickly looking Alice standing across the street from him.<\/p>\n The afterlife is not doing her any favors<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n She mouths \u201chelp me\u201d to Quentin, her mouth twisted with fury and pain, before disappearing.<\/p>\n Here…and then gone<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Quentin, meanwhile steps out onto the street without looking to try to get to her, only to almost get hit by a bus. He doesn\u2019t though, and he is left staring at the space Alice occupied only moments ago.<\/p>\n Seriously, given the number of “oh shit” moments in this episode, I honestly thought they were going to let him become Flat Quentin<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n <\/p>\n Staying in Place<\/strong><\/p>\n On the direction of dead Marina last week, Julia and Kady are in her apartment, sifting through newspaper articles from July 1976 to try to find something that would tip them off about the girl who banished Reynard 40 years prior. \u00a0Because banishing Reynard would have taken an enormous amount of energy to cast, they are hoping to find something that shows up as weirder than normal in the papers.<\/p>\n And suddenly, the burden of age is upon me\u2026<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n As the two are looking through the stories, Kady needs a food break, but the slice of pizza she brings over to their table prompts Julia to vomit in the sink for the third time that day.<\/p>\n I think I had this expression too for the first six months of…you know…<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n In a surprise to no one, but still worthy of an “oh shit” moment, we find out that Julia is pregnant.<\/p>\n Probably not the best time to burst into a Paul Anka song<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Frustrated that she may never be able to put the rape behind her, Julia wants to terminate the pregnancy by any means necessary, even by using the weird dark magic they had\u00a0before modern medicine.\u00a0 Kady points out that they could do that, but it would probably destroy most of her internal organs along with the fetus, and tries to reassure her that an abortion is a simple mundane procedure that will take care of it.\u00a0 Julia, however, is terrified that the embryo might not be a simple human that can undergo that type of mundane procedure. Kady encourages her to take a deep breath for the time being and they\u00a0make an appointment for the next day at the local clinic.<\/p>\n See? Best bitches got your back<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n The following day, Julia meets with the doctor at the clinic, who confirms the pregnancy. Julia immediately says she wants an abortion, and the physician shares with her that there is a waiting list of a couple of days.\u00a0 Julia begs for them to do it sooner, and the clinician immediately suspects abuse or rape, giving Julia a safe space to share the reason for her urgency.\u00a0 Julia, however, rightfully assumes that \u201ca god I accidentally summoned from another world raped me and no amount of reassurance from you about getting justice, however, well-intentioned, is going to stop him\u201d would not be easily entered on a police report, and the two women come to an unspoken understanding as to why she is in need of the procedure so quickly.<\/p>\n “Safe space? Hahahahaha…you’re adorable, Dr. Higgins!”<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Back at the apartment, Julia admits that she is nervous about the abortion, even though she recognizes that this is probably the easiest thing she\u2019s had to deal with in months.\u00a0 Kady then shares with her that she herself had an abortion \u2013 he was a drummer who told her that he couldn\u2019t get an erection while wearing a condom.\u00a0 Kady mentions how alone she felt the night before the procedure, but reminds Julia that she isn\u2019t alone since she has her best bitch close by.<\/p>\n Oh Kady…hopefully you weren’t actually alone the night before<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Bright and early the next morning, the two arrive at the clinic, and Julia attempts to check in for her follow up appointment.\u00a0 Something, or someone, however, compels the receptionist to delete her appointment and behave as if she didn\u2019t just confirm Julia was in their system 30 seconds ago.\u00a0 Julia, however, has the receptionist\u00a0call the doctor, who invites Julia back to the procedure room, despite the clerical error. Kady stays in the waiting room, although I am not really clear as to why, since you can usually have someone come back with you.<\/p>\n This isn’t at all suspicious<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Back in the room, everything seems to be going smoothly, until, you know, the doctor starts having trouble threading her instruments.\u00a0 The doctor brushes it off as just being a little sleepy early in the morning, but something, or someone, has a hold of her too, similar to what happened to the receptionist. Unable to stop herself, the doctor takes a very sharp instrument and drives it into her eye (oh shit…), with Julia screaming for Kady.<\/p>\n So this goes well beyond having a “case of the Mondays”…<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n The receptionist, meanwhile, is oblivious as to what is going on as Kady rushes back \u2013 she\u2019s either compelled into doing nothing by a godly force or she\u2019s received some sort of magical headphones that block out all sounds of someone committing suicide with medical instruments.<\/p>\n Talk about noise canceling…<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n Julia, clearly not thinking about the fact that there is now a dead body on the floor near them, hysterically demands that Kady put up her wards and do the procedure herself.\u00a0 Kady nixes that idea in favor of getting rid of the deceased doctor\u2019s body, and that they will find another way to get rid of the thing growing inside her (I say thing because it\u2019s clearly not a full on human at this point).<\/p>\n Yep, “take it out” wasn’t quite what we were expecting either, Kady<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n <\/p>\n Q & A & Thoughts about Q & A & Everyone Else<\/strong><\/p>\n I love these two together<\/em><\/p><\/div>\n<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/p>\n<\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a><\/a>\n
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